Perception

I remember going shopping for prom dresses with a couple of friends of mine in 11th grade. At this time I was around 150 which for being 5 feet 8 inches is well within the healthy weight range. I watched my friends trying on their size 0, 2, & 4 dresses and felt like a total cow in comparison to them. (Aw the curse of petite friends). When I tried on my size 10 dresses I cried in my fitting room and refused to come out. I wish I could go back and explain to my teenage self that 150 is a healthy (and slender) weight for a girl who is tall and (let's face it) well-endowed. I wish I knew then that my stick-thin friends would have killed to have my...hmmm...assets. I wish I could go back and hug her and give her the confidence in her own body. I wish I didn't spend half of my life feeling that way.

I think this is a problem all women face. How skinny is skinny enough? When you overhear women talking about losing 5, 10, 15 pounds and wonder where they would lose it from? Do you have a goal number in mind? If I was 120, 130, 150 then I'd be skinny. Is weight loss about a number or a feeling or a dress a size to you?

When I got married I was 160 and so disappointed that I didn't lose those 10 pounds I planned on before the big date. Here's a picture from my wedding almost 10 years ago.

And here's one from my first year of marriage.


At the time I felt grotesquely large, and now I look at that girl and think she looks healthy. Not too big, not too small. It makes me wonder if I got to be that size again would I still feel fat? Could I lose 60 lbs and still not be happy with me? Now what I want most is to be able to go hiking with my kids, to ride bikes in the summer, to fit comfortably in air plane seats, to run up a flight of stairs. When I can do all those things will I still be fat?

Our perception is definitely skewed when we look into the mirror. If we look at ourselves through the eyes of our family, our children, our friends would we still be too fat? Maybe what we need to change is not the number on the scale but the image in our minds?

The Glory of the Tens Place

So Monday is weigh-in day (it's also my eat like a normal person day which is why I'm writing this while eating enchilada casserole for breakfast). And today the scale was my friend showing a weight of 219.4! Woo-Hoo! That's right, one woman's- Holy Freaking Cow!-weight is another woman's WOO-HOO!

That puts me down 3 lbs for this week and 5.5 lbs total for 5 weeks. Maybe not where I was hoping to be but the weight is starting to come off which makes me very happy indeed. I passed another milestone this last week too...exercise is finally starting not to suck completely. I did my 35 minutes of cardio at the gym on Friday night and I felt strong and good work-out tired, not the exhausted and 'why the crud am I doing this to myself' tired I have been feeling.

Speaking of exercise have any of you tried Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred? I'm halfway through level 2 now and it's one of my favorite videos ever. It's a 20 minute workout which is great when you have kids (or a life) and it's intense. I used to workout with a friend who was in really good shape and by the end she was huffing and puffing as much as I was. Which was kind of depressing, you think it would get easier right? That's a subject for another post though. Anyway, the Shred combines 3 minutes of strength, 2 or cardio, and 1 of ab work into three circuits. If you're looking for a video to do in your home I would recommend this one. I used to work out to 80's step videos with leotard-clad women with high pony-tails and blue eye make up. LOL Do you guys remember those? Who invented leotards that snap in the crotch anyway?

It was glorious to see that scale tick down out of the 220's. I haven't seen teens on my scale in a long time. Makes me hopeful that that elusive hundreds place might not be too far behind.

Go drink a cup of water! No, I mean right now! Then check back in on Wednesday.

Home Cookin'

So I'm a firm believer that if you cook the majority of your food at home you can still eat your favorite types of food. Making a cheeseburger on your own grill is fun, more satisfying, and definitely healthier than hitting the drive-thru for a double bacon cheeseburger. When you cook your own food you control the quality and portion sizes of your meal.

But sadly cooking from scratch is becoming a lost art in America. But I'm here to tell you that with some basic knowledge you can whip up a restaurant quality meal with much healthier results. So today let me tell you how to make homemade mac n' cheese without the blue box.

So the other day I was staring at my fridge, it was the end of the shopping week so our larder was looking pretty bare. To be completely honest I was thinking about hitting Little Caesers (curse you $5 pizza!) But resolutions were still pretty strong in my brain so instead I pulled out a bunch of half-used items from my fridge and pantry. Half-empty bag of shredded mozzarella, quarter block of cheddar, half empty can of chicken stock, and a half-full box of elbow macaroni. So I decided to make homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner. Those pesky resolutions though reminded me that I didn't want a dish full of cheesy, creamy, fat-filled deliciousness. But I still wanted a lot of flavor so I decided to go for a chili-mac with a stock-based sauce.

First step: Cook your pasta. I was planning on baking it with the sauce so I went for al dente ( a little undercooked). Cook according to package and then drain and set aside. Use whole-wheat pasta to up the healthiness!

Second step: Make your sauce. Start with a roux. What's a roux you ask? It's mixing a fat and flour together to create a thickener for your sauce. In my case I went with 2 tbs of butter, melting it in a large skillet. Then adding 2 tbs flour and cooking it until it's a beautiful paste in the center of your pan (about a minute).

Then you add your liquid. I used chicken stock instead of milk to cut calories and fat. I added 2 cups of chicken stock, whisking the paste until it all dissolved into the stock. Bring that up to a low boil, constantly stirring until it thickens slightly.

Then I added a whole bunch of seasoning to make up for the fact that I wasn't putting in a ton of cheese and cream (sniffle). I added a tsp of chili powder, a half-teaspoon of cumin, a half-teaspoon of smoked paprika, and the salt and pepper to taste. Now my sauce is a lovely reddish-brown color and it's time to add the cheese.

Remove from the heat and then add the cheese of your choice. I went with a big handful of mozzarella (because it's naturally low-fat) and a small handful of shredded cheddar for flavor. If you use a sharper cheddar you need a lot less to get the flavor you want. Stir to combine and then add to your pasta.

At this point you could add a handful of broccoli or cauliflower to beef up the health index of your dish. Or add some cooked ground turkey to make it a more hearty entree. Or you can do what I did and dump it into a casserole pan and top it with some breadcrumbs mixed with a little butter and some shredded parmesan I found in the back of the fridge. Then I baked it at 350 for 15 minutes to brown the topping. Served alongside a salad it was healthy and yummy! What's your favorite home-cooked meal? Did anyone else make resolutions not to eat out as much in 2012?



Check back in Monday for weigh-in!

Salt Water Flush

Let me begin by saying that this is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach. Salt water flushing (SWF) is often used in conjunction with juice fasting or cleansing to stimulate bowel movements when you're not eating and solid foods. But I like to use it when I'm feeling run down, when I haven't been eating very healthy, and when I'm not having regular bowel movements. It's not healthy for waste to sit in your intestines for long periods of time, humans are meant to evacuate on a regular (aka daily) basis. The longer waste sits in your intestines the more is absorbed back into your system.

On that lovely mental picture here's the instructions.

Using a 1 liter water bottle and your teaspoon measure, mix a solution consisted of :

Sea Salt - 2 teaspoons or 1 tablespoon
And Pure Water – 1 quart of warm water


Mix a solution of sea salt and room temperature water.

And then here comes the fun part: Shake it well and move to the sink. I like to “pound it” – This is a challenge in itself, especially once it hits your empty stomach. Make sure your stomach is empty when you do this, first thing in the morning is best.

Most likely, you will feel full halfway through, but keep going! Stopping only makes you taste the salt, and will activate your gag reflex. While it is not required to drink the solution in one go, you will find that the taste is such that you will want to get it down as fast as possible.

Then go about your normal routine, but don't leave the house because in about 30-60 minutes you are going to need frequent access to one of these.


You're going to feel a rumble in your belly and your bowels, give it a while. Let it brew! Yeah, I know that is weird to think about, but you should let it build up. You are going to have 3-7 movements, possibly more. Generally speaking, you will end up pushing out what you put in. The entire liter of sea salt water will be expelled over the next hour along with the contents of your bowels. No picture of that, sorry. A word of warning while you wait for this moment. DO NOT FART!!! You will most certainly not pass only air – if you know what I mean...

The salt flush will not dehydrate you because it is indigestible and will pass straight through you. This is not a pleasant process but I always feel so much better after I do it. It clears up my skin and makes me more regular. Let me know if you try it, and what you thought about it.

Weigh-In Jan 9th

So Mondays are 'do or die' days so to speak. And the results for my first weigh-in (this time around) is...222.5! Yay! Down 2 lbs this week. Also down 2.5 lbs for the last 4 weeks but let's stick to this weeks stats, shall we? Now granted the weight loss this week might have been helped along by the fact that yesterday was fast Sunday (in my church we fast for 24 hours the first Sunday of the month and then donate the money we would have spent on food to help the needy) but I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. So....happy dance!

Maybe there's a small chance I actually will fit into the dress I bought for my anniversary. 5 weeks and 2 days from now David and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary, and 1 month ago I bought a dress from my favorite dress site Shabby Apple, to wear. Of course being the neurotic woman I am I bought it one size small and assumed I could lose enough weight in 9 weeks to fit into it. (Why do women do things like that? You never see a man buying a too-small suit or pair of jeans as a "goal"). Anyway, want to see the dress? Head over to Shabby Apple and check it out. It's the PHD dress, and while you're there browse their super cute clothes, fall in love, become addicted, order something and get 15% off for clicking through my link...anyway. Still holding out hope for that dress.

So I took a new before picture this morning. I told myself that the more hideous a 'before' picture looks the better your 'after" picture looks, right? So in that spirit I opted for a prison-style shoot with no make-up, hair undone, in my exercise clothes. The vapid expression and vacant eyes are more a result of trying to coach my 8 year-old to take a picture that includes my head, feet, arms, and enough space to crop out my messy bedroom. That's a lot harder than you would think.



All right, let me tell you the things I hate about overweight pictures.

1. Double Chins

2. Arms that can't go straight down so they bow out like gorilla arms.

3. Cankles (need I say more...ewwww)

4. The way my feet are always a foot apart even when I think I'm standing with them together.

5. Double Chins...wait, did I say that already?

In other words this is the perfect before shot, don't you think? Today starts with triumph and the vague and misty idea that next week I might be under 220 lbs (aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) at weigh-in. I'm going to the doctor today to get my other health numbers, blood pressure, cholesterol, ect. to add to my progress chart. Because after all this is about getting healthy more than a certain number on the (%#@!) scale. I'll update those numbers when I get them.

I'll be back on Wednesday with a post on salt-water flushes, a lot of you had questions about them after Friday's post. And then make sure to check in on Friday for a yummy healthy recipe. Happy Monday everyone and drink some extra water today.

Never Say Never

Never thought I'd be posting on here again. It's been 2 and a half years since my last post but here I am fighting the same uphill battle. When I left last I was pregnant with my 4th child Maylee. She was born in a beautiful homebirth (read here). In the week after her birth I lost all 17 lbs I gained during my pregnancy. Then in the next 2 weeks I put back on those 17 lbs and 15 more to boot! I mean scientifically that's not even possible. If a pound is equivalent to 3500 calories I would have had to eat 100,000 EXTRA calories on top of my normal diet. Obviously there's something more nefarious at work here, right? RIGHT?! (she screams to the heavens).

SO here I am, 3 weeks away from my 30th birthday and 5 weeks away from my 10th anniversary and I'm exactly the same weight I was almost 3 years when I started this journey (225 lbs). No problem, right? I mean I lost 40 lbs last time, I can do it again! That's what I thought when I started trying to lose weigh 4 weeks ago (really wanted to be under 200 for my anniversary). And after 4 weeks of meal replacement shakes, and fresh veggies, and lots of grilled chicken, and exercising morning and night...where am I? I'm at 224.5. That's right I lost half of a pound!!!!

Sigh

Double Sigh

Deep Breath

I swear I'll never understand my body. I'm not asking for miracles. I'm not asking for a quick fix. I am totally willing to do it the hard way...all I want is for the hard way to work!

So I'm wondering what the next step is. Should I see another doctor? A nutritionist? An acupuncturist? Should I keep chugging along hoping things will change? I took measurements today because my husband swears I'm just gaining muscle and that's why I'm not losing weight. But eventually you have to lose weight, right? I don't want to be a 225 pound muscle woman! (ewwww...bad mental image)

What have you guys done to lose weight? I'm a purist at heart and never wanted to get involved with drugs or pre-packaged food systems or crazy phases of weird diets. But to be perfectly honest I'm feeling a little desperate to see the scale move. Today I'm going to do a salt water flush and clear out my plumbing, I always feel better afterwards and fresh foods always taste better. Weigh-in is on monday. I'll keep you all posted.

PS I tried to find a new "Before" picture to post but looking back through our photo album I found that I had cleverly posed a child in front of me in every single picture. LOL I'll take one this week and post it on Monday.

The Finish Line

So, obviously I have been neglecting this blog the last couple of months. I haven't really been able to focus on weight loss lately. In fact this will be my last post on this blog. I've accomplished most of the goals that I had when I started this blog over a year and a half ago and it's time to move on to new goals.

Thank you everyone for all the support you've given me through this journey. My final weight loss total was 40 lbs and I couldn't have done it without your help.

To see the reason I can no longer focus on weight loss make sure to head over to my family blog.

www.drorbaughfamily.blogspot.com