Perception

I remember going shopping for prom dresses with a couple of friends of mine in 11th grade. At this time I was around 150 which for being 5 feet 8 inches is well within the healthy weight range. I watched my friends trying on their size 0, 2, & 4 dresses and felt like a total cow in comparison to them. (Aw the curse of petite friends). When I tried on my size 10 dresses I cried in my fitting room and refused to come out. I wish I could go back and explain to my teenage self that 150 is a healthy (and slender) weight for a girl who is tall and (let's face it) well-endowed. I wish I knew then that my stick-thin friends would have killed to have my...hmmm...assets. I wish I could go back and hug her and give her the confidence in her own body. I wish I didn't spend half of my life feeling that way.

I think this is a problem all women face. How skinny is skinny enough? When you overhear women talking about losing 5, 10, 15 pounds and wonder where they would lose it from? Do you have a goal number in mind? If I was 120, 130, 150 then I'd be skinny. Is weight loss about a number or a feeling or a dress a size to you?

When I got married I was 160 and so disappointed that I didn't lose those 10 pounds I planned on before the big date. Here's a picture from my wedding almost 10 years ago.

And here's one from my first year of marriage.


At the time I felt grotesquely large, and now I look at that girl and think she looks healthy. Not too big, not too small. It makes me wonder if I got to be that size again would I still feel fat? Could I lose 60 lbs and still not be happy with me? Now what I want most is to be able to go hiking with my kids, to ride bikes in the summer, to fit comfortably in air plane seats, to run up a flight of stairs. When I can do all those things will I still be fat?

Our perception is definitely skewed when we look into the mirror. If we look at ourselves through the eyes of our family, our children, our friends would we still be too fat? Maybe what we need to change is not the number on the scale but the image in our minds?